What’s this I hear? Some fool let you – beautiful, marvelous, intelligent you – escape from the depths of their love clutches?
Man, whatever – you are too fantastic to suffer fools. I know you might be like: “Well dang, that holiday for red stuff and inaccurate representations of the fist-sized muscle that powers the cardiovascular system is just around the corner and I was totes looking forward to some swag.”
Well, you can still celebrate! Only now you get to celebrate how YOU want. You can make all kinds of delicious foodstuffs that YOU like AND you can eat them in your super-comfy pants in the warmth and comfort of your own home.
But wait, you’re supposed to be heartbroken (it’s fine to be ironic about it). I conducted intensive research and discovered that the food-based elements for dealing with a broken heart consist of chocolate, ice cream, fried stuff and carbs – ALL of the carbs. Thus, I amassed this exemplary list of tasty treats to get you through this terrible (awesome) time (of freedom).
Oh ye pillars of starchy goodness, dusted with delicious Parmesan cheese and the herbaciousness of basil; ready to go directly into your mouth.
This has decadence and I-don’t-even-care written all over it. What’s more, it’s easy as heck to indulge. All you need Pillsbury™ Grands!™ refrigerated flaky biscuits, spam for cubing and vegetable oil for frying. YUM!
The king of pancakes - topped with Betty Crocker™ chocolate frosting, creamy marshmallow brownie topping and delicious peanut butter cups. These yummy cakes are guaranteed to soothe any hurt feelings.
Have you ever had fried avocado fries? Let me just tell you – they are amazing! The warm crispy exterior is a perfect and delicious contrast to the creamy, cool inner avocado. Celebrate your inner cool with these scrumptious fries right away!
Okay, let’s say that maybe you are feeling a little sad. There is no better way to drown your sorrows than in layer after layer of ooey-gooey cheese, carby goodness and savory pepperoni slices.
Old El Paso™ Stand 'N Stuff™ taco shells are cleverly used to usher delicious comfort ice cream into your face hole.
Sometimes you need the warm comfort that only your waffle iron can provide. Pop some Pillsbury™ Grands!™ Flaky Layers refrigerated original or buttermilk biscuits into that waffle maker and you’re well on your way to the yumminess that is donut waffles.
Shhhhh – listen, do you hear that sound? It’s the shriek of a millionty people who just made eye contact with this cake and cannot wait to eat it. Guaranteed to lift your spirits via your taste buds.
Sweet and salty, it’s the perfect mix! These chocolate covered chips are wonderfully crunchy too. You can pretend to nom the bones of your enemies! Or exes…or you know…not.
For every churro you dip and devour, a sad feeling flutters away and you are left with only warm melty, peanut buttery deliciousness on your insides.
Time and bacon heals all wounds. Salty, sweet and full of all the carb-based noms you love to eat!
That’s right; it’s a grilled cheese sandwich made out of ramen noodles! You are free and totally a grown-up; you can do what you want! Celebrate that righteous sense of independence with a decidedly different and noodly cheese sandwich.
Absolutely guaranteed to make anyone feel better about anything ever on account of IT’S FRIED CHEESE! Are you kidding me right now?!
Look at those decadent little balls of yum. Look upon them and imagine their warm, gooey peanut butter deliciousness happening on your tongue. Did you bliss out there for a moment? Happiness level unlocked!
The only thing that’ll expire when you eat these scrumptious little pies are any feelings of sadness, regret or heartbreak. There will be only room left for the decadence of mini-cheesecake pies – yes, that is all that shall remain.
You’re like: “Whoa, what is happening right now? Am I enlightened? Did I ascend to a higher plane of existence?” With such existential thoughts crowding your brain and sweet, salty, ooey-gooey tastiness flooding your taste buds you’ll be unable to feel anything but bacony exaltation.
Zounds! Just take any Betty Crocker™ cookie mix that tickles your fancy, original Bisquick™ pancake and baking mix, sprinkles, mini chocolate chips, cinnamon imperials or other small candies – whatever you want, really – and then the fryer’s the limit!
This tantalizing treat does not mock your pain; it merely seeks to soothe your troubled heart via your taste buds.
We’re going to circle back to our good friend Mr. Waffle Iron. He’s a dependable guy. You can shove almost anything into his iron grasp, even Betty Crocker™ SuperMoist™ cake mix, and you’re pretty much guaranteed something spectacularly delicious!
Pillsbury™ refrigerated crescent rolls are freak show tasty all by themselves, now just add some Hershey’s BLISS® Milk Chocolates into the mix and you’ve reached the highest level of YUM!