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Here's the fifth in our series surrounding The Munchies People's Choice Food Awards. This article is a first for Tablespoon – an op-ed by Tablespoon colleague, Mark Skeba, who is stoked about his favorite coffee being nominated this year.
I am not a foodie expert, nor am I a mixologist, or gastro-pub connoisseur. I cannot spell foaux grause (sp?). I am simply a man who knows what he likes ... and what I like is the best coffee in 'Merica in quantities that require a near constant IV drip.
Last year I voted at The Munchies People’s Choice of Food Awards and was disappointed by the omission the undisputed java champion of the universe, Dunkin' Donuts. But this year, Dunkin' is in the running.
Hey coffee snobs ... get ready for the blowout.
Dear Portland, I can pour over too.
Let me tell you straight up why Dunkin' Donuts is the best coffee there ever is ever.
1. They sell 30 an average of cups of coffee every second ... not even lying about that. (Seriously ... how does that not clinch the title right there?)
2. Their menu is easy to understand…small, medium, and large. You don’t have to pass a linguistics mid-term to order a drink ... especially before you’ve had your coffee.
3. Their logo managed to get orange and pink to play nice.
4. You go to Dunkin to caffeinate and leave ... not sit by a fire like a trust fund baby or wear your Google glasses in a vintage chair.
5. They offer an XL size for when you need an increase in liquid sleep. Other coffee suppliers stop at large and refuse to give eXtra effort.
6. They make their coffee in real glass pots like real people ... not some morally-superior-single-cup-pour-over hipster fetishist.
7. I love Dunkin' so much that I’ve driven round trip to the nearest Dunkin' Donuts more than 200 miles away to get coffee and 30 dozen donuts for a meeting. The manager started making the donuts at 3AM because “It’s time to make the donuts.” They were fresh and delicious at 5:15am.
8. My dog is named Dunkin' (shown here with his mom), and he is just like the coffee ... black, strong, warm, America, and medium (not “grande”).
9. During the Boston Bombing, Dunkin' shops stayed open to serve coffee to the police and other heroes. That’s solid.
10. Last but not least ... the taste is like drinking the tears of an angel. The caffeinated, perfectly roasted, not-burned, warm, soothing tears of an angel mixed with two creams and two sugars, in my case.
Passionate about a nominee in this year's The Munchies awards like Mark is? Vote now!
Mark Skeba is not an expert in anything. He is simply a colleague of The Munchies team who threw a temper-tantrum in the Tablespoon offices because of the omission of Dunkin' Donuts in 2013. He really does have a dog named Dunkin, really makes Dunkin' Donuts coffee at his desk, and really did drive 400 miles overnight to get his work team some fresh donuts. In his free time, Mark enjoys wearing vintage hockey jerseys and practicing his Irish temper.