This bread? Yeah… not one of those times.
This bread – let’s call it Monster Bread
, though it went horribly, horribly wrong, like a bad laboratory experiment – is what I shall hereafter call a Major Fail.
Before you shriek in terror at the hideousness that is this bread’s reveal, let me tell you a little story about That One Time I Tried to Make a Bread With Frankenstein’s Face In It and Failed Miserably. Settle down, my friends – this is about to get reaalllll goooooood.
Little did I know that I was about to embark on a serious baking catastrophe, the likes of which had not yet been seen in my kitchen (OK… that’s a lie. I have also had boiling butter explode in my face and batter leak out of the baking pan into the bottom of my oven. Ah, memories.). But what is an experienced food blogger without a few failures to share, amiright?? I’m just going to go cry into my pillow now.
ANYWAY, as I was saying, I knew the drill – make the dough, divide the dough into a few pieces, color each piece of dough, yada yada yada – and then the sky went dark and lightning flashed and all of a sudden I was wearing a lab coat and goggles and my hair stood on end as I cackled into the storm… but I thought nothing of it. These things happen. So I moved on. Here's how it went down...
First, I made the colored dough (see steps 1-5 in recipe, below).
Then I started shaping my dough. It sorta looked like a Frankenstein face. I was pleased.
I went to cover it all up with my final piece of dough and placed in a loaf pan. Then I covered it with a towel and let it work its magic.
Then, I baked it up. And let it cool (by far the most grueling part of the whole process – WHAT IS GOING ON IN THERE? WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE? I MUST KNOW!!!). And then came the reveal – dun dun dun (you obviously know where this is going)…
THIS. This sort of alien, sort of flying saucer with eyes and an afro, sort of Frankenstein-like face if you squint real hard and try to not hurt my feelings. My glorious creation was… well, not so glorious. It was the opposite of glorious. It was hideous. (OK, but kind of cute, too, right? In a weird unidentifiable face-bread-object sort of way.)
What went wrong, you ask? I still don’t really know myself. I mean, it’s not every day you try to shape dough into a face, so the task itself isn’t the easiest. On top of that, you’re trying to put bolts, eyes, hair and all the fixins of a Frankenstein into a malleable bread – and sometimes, specifically this time, it’s a recipe for disaster.
So the moral of the story is this: Sometimes, a face is not meant to be a bread. Or a bread is not meant to be a face. Or… whatever. Or maybe it is, and I simply have yet to find the perfect recipe that will yield a Frankenstein face. But it is a lesson learned – and a legend that will go down in history forever as The Frankenstein Face Bread That Wasn’t. A.K.A., Major Fail. But one that was still super tasty, if I do say so myself.
Hey, at least I didn’t try to burn my face off with butter again! There’s always a silver lining.
More Reveal Bread RecipesStephanie (aka Girl Versus Dough) joined Tablespoon to share her adventures in the kitchen. Check out Stephanie’s Tablespoon member profile and keep checking back for her own personal recipes on Tablespoon!